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If you actually listened to his advice, you'd realize that the intelligent, honest, big-dicked man of your dreams is right in front of you.Unfortunately for him, you never will because why would anyone ever take their guy friend's advice about dating?

Next thing you know he'll be like, "Wouldn't it be cute if you wore my Grandma's old wedding ring?

As we've said before, heterosexual guys and girls can't really be friends, because in almost every situation at least one party is just biding their time until the other person lets their guard down and finally lets them smash.

The friend zone (a term which we object to on principle but will use for convenience sake here) can be a chill place when you and your guy friend have both agreed that's where you'd like to be, but as literally every sad Reddit commenter has taught us, a lot of guys are only in the friend zone because they don't know how to get out if it.

It has generally been rote and fruitless, with occasional flurries of excitement, but for someone who makes their living with words, I've had a weirdly difficult time wooing dudes with them.

Still, the day after I turned 40, I decided to fire up an old profile and see what happened.

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